Things I can’t tell you

Have I told you about all the flowers that grow in my mind and heart when I remember the smile you hold while you laugh? Have I told you that your eyes are the greatest smile of all? Can I tell you, without getting onto your nerves, that you own my dreams from the day that you became more magical than any dream I ever had? Can I tell you without making you uncomfortable that my words are now bewitched and carry the burden of having to express by themselves your inevitable beauty? Can I tell you, that you, and your tender heart, your strong mind and your sweet spirit own the inspiration in me that rises every morning with the sun. Can I tell you that my inspiration goes to bed just to paint my dreams with sweet melodies that rhyme with your name, your voice and your smooth unforgettable lips.

Can I tell you more?

Can I tell you that the wind blows when you wake up only to remind the birds that they must sing mellow melodies for you. Have I told you that the sun truly shines only when it  sees your shadow dancing through with that spicy essence you carry. Can I tell you that the rain is here to please you, to help you tune down so that atoms through space don’t overwhelm with your eternal radiance and beauty. Have I told you that the stars try to reflect your beauty, and that is why it is so easy to stare at them for hours. Have I told you that I could stare at you for hours and still surprise myself with the beauty that hides in between every cell of your body.  Have I told you that your beauty enchants my eyes, that your voice entrances my ears, and that your whole body blow the nerves of my hands?

Can I tell you more? No?

Things I cannot tell you rest in me as the poetry that the clouds recite every day. Things I cannot say are those that might make me fall for a fool, where I fool myself only to fall more for the platonic you. And I promise you that there are things I cannot tell you, you wouldn’t let me continue, you wouldn’t let my contemplation release. I promise you that if you let me express the love story that is constantly weaving in my mind, you would have to fall in love for me. You would have to fall once again because I know that you might be cold and dry, but once your heart is tendered down you wouldn’t be able to hold the instinct. You wouldn’t be able to hold what you and me mean in one single sentence. So I can’t, I can’t unarm myself against you once more, because even if I would, even if you fall, for how long would that dream last, will it last longer than last time… And I try to tell myself, when I hear my heart singing for you as usual everyday, that maybe all is an illusion, a lie for my mind. Maybe I can tell you all this, and more and more, and yet you will look to the side as if love stories and poetry were dust on the ground. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I can tell you all this and risk myself to fall low in the ground or open your eyes to what seems I can only see. But maybes, doubts and fears won’t take me to where I want to fly, so I will wait for you, writing the same words as usual, I will wait for you to say what you can’t say to me, because I know that deep in your bittersweet heart, you want to tell me many many things. Now I will wait for you to fly, for I flew far away and still think about you every morning, every afternoon, and intensely at night. Sometime it is easier to leave it to time than to say all of that that I can’t say to you. I think that it is easier for me to now wait for you as you waited for me the first time I came to your life. Maybe once again, we can both fly.

Jose Andres Arvide

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