And it is surreal. A simphony of emotions, an orchestra of feelings, an implosion of challenges and an explosion of sweetness. It is surreal, unbelievable and weirdly insane to think that a tsunami of changes could come against a place where I thought that it was maybe impossible. And it is not impossible. What is possible is to loose humbleness, loose peace, and loose integrity. And it is also possible to gain faith, love, clarity and strength. So nothing to worry. All is possible, maybe even falling in love again with that beautiful person I once enchanted.
It is insane darling, to think that I am leaving, once again, letting tears fall consciously to the ground, because something of me wants to attach to this place. My tears come instantly just by seeing my sisters, my parents, my love, my now. Yet the nostalgia is not greater than the will to start something new, something that calls into my inner passion.
It is insane, baby, to realize that in less than a snap my whole life had to be changed in order to evolve, in the most bitter way my eyes and ears have ever experienced. Yet the most tasteful, embodied, and wholesome juice of sweetness has welcomed the whole process. The nectar of what really means, taking charge of your own life and dreams has been tickled, as well as the roots of where forgiveness, love, family and courage come from. All at once.
It is insane, surreal and heartbrokenning to be living what my love once shared with me. The sunset from an airplane. I remember how she described it as beautiful and unique, right before telling me that she wanted to be alone. Precisely about 10 days before leaving, precisely when I thought we where in the deepest place where love could coexist. Right when I thought I needed her the most, thought.
It is insane to be living the dream, and for this I must kneel down, thank first to our creator, our nourishing Mother Earth, the grandfathers, teachers and guides, and my wonderful blood family. As a foundation, all these have fed my soul, opened my arteries all the way to expand my consciousness and made me stumble through the bittersweet teaching I’ve had to live in the order of the divine purpose. Not easy, simply beautiful and ecstatic.
So it is insane, surreal to be living such a thing at my young age. Even more insane, is the feeling of this high voltage energy that overloads my circuits everyday. This energy that may result as certain thoughts but at the end it is expressed as faith and guidance to keep following the noble heart. It is insane that with 20 years I have experienced things that make me think about the future and if I will make it through. Yet I know I will as long as I follow my heart without a single doubt as I step. A minor doubt and I might fall into the end of the tunnel. Because this is it. Following your heart is escaping from that deep tunnel into the light, floating with faith all the way out with no doubt no need to open your eyes, just listen and feel.
It is so nostalgic, such a beautiful tender feeling, yet an eye opening fact that I am leaving so many things behind. Here I lay down, between two random people, in a big Boeing 777, which I don’t know what it mean, yet I know that it is telling me that I am heading to a new life. With three lucky numbers. I leave my parents, their lovely forgiving and encouraging hugs. I leave my princesses, my beautiful unique and heart enchanting sisters. I leave behind, in a bittersweet way, the person that entranced my heart to the point of loosing myself within love songs and memories that remind me of those passionate nights and sincere pure eye stares. Something that I miss since February 14. And this is happening right now, now as I write now, and as this now will be past when you read it, believe me it will still be happening.
So it is life, sometimes there is turbulence like what has been this whole flight between my mind and the plane. Sometimes there is pure sweetness as that which I lived the past year. Sometimes there is realization about the stupid and egoist things you do, like putting your family aside and forgetting your true purpose. Sometimes there is pure passion and true love, then next day you realize that there is nothing, suddenly it seems as all the unforgettable memories were erased, burned or even worse, ignored. Sometimes there are somethings, sometimes there are some other things, and this is beautiful.
So wonderful and surreal to think that this is actually real life. One day up, one day down, one day you breath, another day you don’t. So why hold on, why control, why judge? So why hold on to that past lover that neglected you, why hold resentment with your family for things that start healing from within. So why fight with your mind when you can dance with your heart, and why stress over all of this if at the end we are humans living the wonderful school of life, one day, one second at the time. And it is insane, surreal and amazing. Yes I love life. Yes Sometimes I feel I’m hating it, but it is this bittersweet essence that puts all the flavors.
José Andrés Arvide